My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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