Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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