Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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