Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
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woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
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They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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