I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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