also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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