I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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