he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize