You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
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You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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