i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
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I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My penis needs a shock collar
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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