you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you traded sex for a burrito?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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