I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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