Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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