We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
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It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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