And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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