He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
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Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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