did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize