I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
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I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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