Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
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The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
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So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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