i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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