If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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