You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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