To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
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there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
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I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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