i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
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I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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