Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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