I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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