He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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