Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize