thus making me awesome and them whores
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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