peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
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I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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