The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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