He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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