I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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