it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
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It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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