She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
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the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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