...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize