My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
