My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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