Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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