I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize