oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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