I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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