You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He better not be in your backpack
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
They have beer where we have blood.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize