I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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