you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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