It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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