dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize