I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize