cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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