ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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