im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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